If we want to future-proof our children they need to be equipped mentally and emotionally; they need to have strong work ethic and stamina and they also need to realise that they hold their future in their hands.
Parents planning and orchestrating every waking moment of their child's day do not do this. Parents pushing and pulling, threatening and manipulating do not do this. It reinforces the idea that the parents are responsible for what is done, how much is done and the outcome of what is or isn't done. As long as the parents are “owning” the child's time, his play and his education, or maybe I should rather call it his “schoolwork”, the child is not. As long as the parent is the one dreaming the dreams and setting the goals, the child is not. If the parent is making all the decisions and stressing about the consequences, the child is not. And if the child is not, he is not being equipped to deal with the pressures of the real world, of life. He is being set-up for failure.
So, how do we do it?
We prepare them mentally and emotionally through play. Free play with siblings (and friends) develops resilience, it develops creative problem solving. It helps them deal with big scary issues, incrementally, in a safe space with (and often without) our guidance.
We develop them mentally and emotionally through reading aloud from books that depict characters that persevere and overcome hardships. By watching carefully chosen movies about protagonists that attain their dreams against all odds. And by talking together along these lines, sharing our own narratives.
We develop them mentally and emotionally through living life, with brutal honesty, by example. We invite them to share in our journey of challenges and victories, of hardships and triumphs. We don't hide our struggles but demonstrate how to forgive and to how to bounce back, how to sacrifice and find solutions.
We cultivate work ethic and stamina through the things they love or that matter to them. When they are doing something they love they will push themselves to work harder, work better and stay at it for longer. This activity is usually something they have chosen themselves. When they have a goal or a dream they will be intrinsically motivated and have the work ethic and stamina to reach it. In our case it was base guitar for one, keyboard for another and drumming for the other. YouTube was their guide (read more by clicking here). They creatively came up with ways to earn money to buy their instruments and persevered, even when it was tough, to attain the level of mastery they had set themselves.
They realise the future is in their hands when we put it in their hands. And step back. When we allow them to make hard choices and to deal with the natural consequences; not softening or removing them. When we allow them to pursue their interests but expect them to contribute to make it happen; not giving them everything they want or need on a silver platter. Working, earning their own money, empowers them. It places their future, whether they will have a bass guitar or not, firmly in their own hands. It also teaches them the value of money and the drudgery of monotony or uninspiring work.
And although we step back, we remain actively involved in their lives not by being their dominators, their policemen or their slave drivers, but by being their soundboards, their advisors and their greatest cheerleaders. We do this by observing, encouraging and enabling them to find their strengths and pursue their interests - the clues to their purpose. And when the time comes they will have the character traits required to jump the hoops to attain the certificates, degrees and diplomas to live their dreams, because they will have dreams!
