When we become the Curriculum

He messaged me. I could tell he was subtly angry, concerned. My first reaction was defensive.

As I read, I recognized a fierce protectiveness. It reminded me of the feelings that had been stirred in me during a conversation I had had with my dad the night before. It reminded me of the capacity of a parent's heart to protect.

"If she is misbehaving" he wrote, "it is probably because you are rejecting her, excluding her from the pack" and a little further "It matters to her if her pack is disappointed in her". I marvelled at his insight; his wisdom. Then I smiled inwardly, I recognized me. I recognized the way he analysed the situation, the way he tried to get into her head, the way he took her side, the way he seeked the good in the bad, the way he protected her, loved her regardless, that brindle ball of energy he chose for his twelfth birthday but now had to leave behind. "She's more like a person" he once confided and it reminded me of the words that had been playing through my mind all week: "a person is a person no matter how small - respect the child".
He was imitating me and to be honest, it made me a little more than proud. A little bit of me had rubbed off, had replicated itself and I couldn't stop smiling. For years I have been saying that I'm raising them, training them, for life, not an exam. Raising them to be someone's husband, dad, employer. And here for the first time I caught a glimpse of what I had achieved. I wondered, I delighted, in the potential parent that had fleetingly revealed himself in this tender eighteen year old heart.
"I love your heart MY boy," I messaged back, "don't worry she's okay, I'm looking out for her".